Back to Common Sense and the Music Business!
Chapter 1
Look Out Shad….Here Comes Phil!
(A Cross My Heart, Hope to Die, True Story Of How a 20 Foot Walk From the Kitchen To The Car Could Have Saved $5,000)
Chapter 2
Plotting Your Course, Or "Quick, Man The Buckets…We're Going Down!"
(How You Can Me A Decent Living In The Music Business Without Being A Mega-Bucks Super Star)
Chapter 3
Negative People, Or "That'll Never Work, Mr. Ford!"
(Proof Positive That If You Follow The Dictates Of Your Heart, You Too Can Make It)
Chapter 4
Unsolicited Demo Tapes, Or "Back Up The Truck, Hector, We've Got Another 5,000 of 'Em!"
(A Look At The Absolutely Futile Practice Of Indiscriminately Throwing Cassette Tapes, Records and CD's In The Mail---An Incredible Waste Of Money)
Chapter 5
Making A Proper Demo Tape
(Okay, Grab Your Piano Or Guitar And Let's Head For The Kitchen Or The Recording Studio…Whichever Occurs First)
Chapter 6
"Here's My Promo Kit. Where Do You Want Me To Put This Lumber?"
(Want To Get The Lowdown On How to Waste Some Really Big Money? If You're Into Stupidity, You'll Really Love This One)
Chapter 7
The Music Video, Or "Make Way MTV, VH-1, TNN... Here I Come!"
(If You Enjoyed Wasting A Lot Of Money With A Promo Kit, You'll Really Get Off On This Chapter)
Chapter 8
Studio Etiquette, Or "Do You Mind If My Lady Friend And I Lock Ourselves In The Lounge?'
(A Somewhat Exaggerated But True Account Of Common Recording Studio Insanity)
Chapter 9
First, Get A Pencil. Second, Get a Note Book. Next, Get A Brink's Truck.
(How A Little Research And A Few Telephone Calls Can Make You A Better Songwriter Overnight)
Chapter 10
Collaborating With Another Writer, Or, A Marriage Made In Heaven... Or Hell, Whichever Comes First
Chapter 11
Attorneys, Accountants, And Bankers…Yaaawwwwnnn
(How To Stave Off This Merry Band Of Thieves Until You Are Ready To be Robbed)
Chapter 12
Hiring The Right Person, Or "Yes, Mr. Hitler, We Have Your Resume On File."
(Never Do Business With Friends…Or Else!)
Chapter 13
Like Momma Said, "You Better Shop Around."
(This One Chapter Is Worth At Least One Hundred Times The Price Of This Book)
Chapter 14
Drugs, Drugs, Drugs, And More Drugs, Or "Telephone!…It's For You, Junior."
(An Exclusive First Time Exposé Of How Counterpart Creative Studios Profited From Drugs)
Chapter 15
Timing Your Release, Or A Quick Death For Anyone Involved In Your Project
(Will The Stupidity Ever End?"
Chapter 16
The Assemblage of Your Musical Entity, Or "It's Got To Sound Exactly As We Do It Live!"
(The Darling Little Purists Will Hate This Chapter)
Chapter 17
Standard Fare, Or "GIMMEAWHOPPERFRYN' A COKE!"
(Just Don't Buck The System…Okay?"
Chapter 18
The Mixdown Experience, Or The "More Me" Syndrome
(Sometimes It's Necessary To Lie Like Hell)
Chapter 19
Mastering Your Song, Or "Coffee, Tea, Or E.Q.?"
(How To Play The All-American Game "Buttinsky")
Chapter 20
They're Gonna Play My Tape!…They're Gonna Play My tape! Or, From Immediate Stardom To A Dead Duck
(This Deals With Probably The Worst Trade Off You Can Make)
Chapter 21
Good Timing Or "What Do You Mean, My Christmas Record Is Dead?…It's Only March!"
(Why Good Timing Is So Important To The Success Of Your Record)
Chapter 22
"But We Can't Play It Until It Gets On The Charts …BAA…BAA…BAA…BAA…BAA"
(I Must Admit I Was A Bit Sheepish About Writing This Chapter)
Chapter 23
"Hey, Let's Make A Record About The War, Huh?"
(I've Got This Idea About A Great Song About Gay-Lesbian Day)
Chapter 24
Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg…Or The Single Or The Album?
(A Good Lesson In Quality Vs. Quantity)
Chapter 25
Whipping A Dead Horse, Or "Not To Worry, I Think Disco Will Be Back Soon."
(Enough Is Enough Is Enough Already)
Chapter 26
When To Strike…Or Is The Iron Hot Yet?
(How To Get Overconfident And Lose The Deal)
Chapter 27
Who Says Crime Doesn't Pay?
(How You Can Turn Old Fashioned, Traditional Values Into Cold, Hard Cash)
Chapter 28
Merchandising Your Records On Television, Or, Box Car Willie, Zamfir, The Best Of The Oldies…And Me
(If The Blaneys Had This Chapter, They Wouldn't Be Dead Broke Now)
Chapter 29
One Man's Treasure…Another Man's Trash
(Your Local Trash Removal Folks Will Love You For This)
Chapter 30
"And The Academy's Award For The Most Stupid Situation In A Recording Studio Is…"
(I Absolutely Guarantee…You Will Not Believe This One)
Chapter 31
Hyperbole, Superbole, Toilet Bowl…What's The Difference?
(If You Don't Know By The End Of This Book, You Never Will)
Chapter 32
"To Hell With Chuck's Record…Let's Eat!"
(How To Make A Perfect Fool Of Yourself While Feeding Your Friends)
Chapter 33
1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 12, 16, 24, Bingo!!!
(If You Choose #24, You Are The Winner)
Chapter 34
"Jesus Of The Week" Syndrome
(If You Like Bells and Whistles, You'll Love This Chapter)
Chapter 35
Hiring Independent Promoters
(This Chapter Alone Will Save You $600…Guaranteed)
Chapter 36
"Don't Worry, Shad, My Tape Will Be At Your Office In The Morning…By Chartered Jet."
(Forget The Fancy Airplanes…Just Drop It In The Mail Box)
Chapter 37
Preparing Your Master Tape
(Do It Right!…Save A Mastering Engineer From The Looney Bin)
Chapter 38
Rapping To Ave Maria
(I Know It's Silly…But It Will Save You A Hell Of A Lot Of Money And Embarrassment)
Chapter 39
Greed Kills, Or Me, Me, I, I, Mine, Mine, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!
(How Would You Like To Lose A $100,000 Deal?)
Chapter 40
Greed Kilt!
(Our Saga Continues, Dear Friend)
Chapter 41
Splitting Up The Pie, Or "Sorry, Doc, None For You!"
(this Advice Could Have Saved Our Friends In the Previous Two Chapters)
Chapter 42
Proper Layout And Design, Or "You Think 30 Pounds Is Too Much"?
(This Chapter Is Dedicated To Snazz Who Is Still Hiding Behind The Copying Machine)
Chapter 43
The Studio Telephone…Has A Nice Ring To It, Doesn't It?
(The Hell It Does!)
Chapter 44
Patience…Patience…Patience
(If You Are In A Hurry To Be A Star, Then Put Down Your Guitar)
Chapter 45
The Incredible Exposé of Dirty Tricks
(Just Thought I'd Throw This In For A Few Grins)
Chapter 46
Lack of Common Sense…One More Little Story
(What The Hell, Let's Throw In A Few More Grins)
Chapter 47
The Reversion Clause, Or Signing Your Song Away
(Trying to Maintain A Cool Head When You're Hot To Trot)
Chapter 48
Starting Your Own Company, Or "Paperwork, Paperwork, I Love Paperwork!"
(It Really Doesn't Have To Be All That Complicated You Know)
Chapter 49
Knowing When To Quit
(The Most Important Chapter In The Book…Shad Lays It On The Line)
Chapter 50
A Quick Recap
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